i love this sooooo much Dania! i feel like it deserves its own substack post. i read it like 5 times because it’s so well put. i love the piece about “no accounting,” and couldn’t agree more. those are the relationships that make me feel most at ease. thank you so much for understanding and for chiming in with such a thoughtful reflection 🤍
hey Rima! I’ve been doing a lot of self reflection on this very topic over the last few weeks - from the other side of the equation you’re attempting to solve… here’s where I have landed so far:
you know you are in the right relationship/friendship when there is no accounting going on in the background. one reason people sometimes keep such a tally may well be rooted in an unkind self-perception. reciprocity can never be symmetrical because we all speak different languages when it comes to love and friendships. the only way really to give freely is to fill our own well with love, gratitude and appreciation for oneself; so that any love we choose to give doesn’t get tainted by lack, doesn’t become projection and doesn’t create a form of longing that keeps us stranded in a desert of no-belonging.
in the end, feeling bad for wanting more than others can give, or feeling bad because you feel you always fall short in what you give speaks to our humanity and calls on our compassion for the underlying reasons that make us this way.
maybe genuinely accepting such differences without feeling hurt or trigged is very much the place where growth awaits us? i have come to wonder whether true acceptance is not ultimate alignment… i don’t know. for sure i’m still figuring things out about how i show up in my friendships.
thank you for this authenticity in your voice and hugs from my part of the world ;) D.
i love this sooooo much Dania! i feel like it deserves its own substack post. i read it like 5 times because it’s so well put. i love the piece about “no accounting,” and couldn’t agree more. those are the relationships that make me feel most at ease. thank you so much for understanding and for chiming in with such a thoughtful reflection 🤍
hey Rima! I’ve been doing a lot of self reflection on this very topic over the last few weeks - from the other side of the equation you’re attempting to solve… here’s where I have landed so far:
you know you are in the right relationship/friendship when there is no accounting going on in the background. one reason people sometimes keep such a tally may well be rooted in an unkind self-perception. reciprocity can never be symmetrical because we all speak different languages when it comes to love and friendships. the only way really to give freely is to fill our own well with love, gratitude and appreciation for oneself; so that any love we choose to give doesn’t get tainted by lack, doesn’t become projection and doesn’t create a form of longing that keeps us stranded in a desert of no-belonging.
in the end, feeling bad for wanting more than others can give, or feeling bad because you feel you always fall short in what you give speaks to our humanity and calls on our compassion for the underlying reasons that make us this way.
maybe genuinely accepting such differences without feeling hurt or trigged is very much the place where growth awaits us? i have come to wonder whether true acceptance is not ultimate alignment… i don’t know. for sure i’m still figuring things out about how i show up in my friendships.
thank you for this authenticity in your voice and hugs from my part of the world ;) D.